Dearly beloved, through you I am sucked into a vortex of infatuation where I reside night and day. Paralyzed by the glare of light that your pair of eyes create. Sweet Tamara, everytime I see you I wish to enter a time machine all so I can have the honor of seeing you twice that day. If you say yes to my hand, I would consider myself so lucky with you that even the shooting star would start wishing on me. I am smitten to inexplicable heights, floating in the cosmic sky of rapture that arouses desires I presumed long lost, desires now flaring unquenchably that sees the hope of fulfillment alone in the golden light from you that showers me like rays of the morning sun. Along your axis does the planet of my longings rotate! Spinning in a celestial roundelay, restlessly awaiting your accompaniment in this dance of destiny toward a future that shimmers in the tapestry of fate’s weavings. Will you hearken to my call of bliss? Slumbering in the landscape of the soul were powers, magical forces, and beatific energies that the key of your being has now ignited into a conflagration. Flames of unbridled intensity that, should I but dwell upon your eminence too long, threatens to intensify in incandescence and forthwith consume my physical body to ashes. But weep not at this demise! For from the ashes of this body, consumed by the immense heat of my passion for you, will arise the phoenix of renewal that is borne aloft by the summoning of your love alone! The phoenix of renewal whose wings of glory flaps in the wind of your affection, as the melody of this movement sings the song of my sacred desire for you. During the clamor of everyday trifles if I but think upon you for one moment, my heart skips and cartwheel tumbles in the pinwheel of ecstasy! The incessant motion brought to a halt only when the soothing balm of your voice envelops me in calmness. Laying bare the wishes of the heart before thee that has raged for weeks, do I ask with all the fervor of my being:
“Dearest Tamara, you will consecrate me with the privilege of your hand in courtship?”
Filled with emotion and exhaling in the relief of finally revealing his true feelings to her, Darius stood motionless. Now awaiting a response from her whose expression was one of shock. Her eyes widened in astonishment as both hands covered the mouth that hung open in flabbergast. Suddenly a deep grief seemed to becloud her eyes, a sorrow reflective of weeping. Darius was confounded by this, filled as he was with the anxiety of desiring a response he hoped would be yes.
You see, Darius was new to the company. He started working there only a few weeks ago and, during one opportune lunch, had met the acquaintance of Tamara. They sat together during lunch for a whole week in which she meticulously explained the vast web of office politics and the various pitfalls. In the process, as she had once performed his job, she gave him hints on best practices to be successful. Seldom did their converse stray from work. Her benevolence was indefatigable, her kindness inexhaustible. So it happened that she disappeared for a week. Upon inquiring covertly, he discovered she went to the corporate office to put her affairs in order, as she would be leaving the company in a few days for another job. It was only through the inevitability of the impending separation that the depth of his feelings for her had surfaced in their full gravity. And so, having returned today which was also her final day with the company, he resolved to openly convey the yearnings of his heart via the poem that ended with the momentous question.
As silence pervaded the spaces between them, Darius was exposed to a vulnerability he had never experienced. A vulnerability of casting all the treasures of your heart at the disposal and feet of another. A susceptibility that, once exposed, no act of will can disguise again as if the disclosure was somehow incomplete or untrue. Such vulnerability opens you transparently to the gaze of another, the light before which there is no hiding forevermore. As these thoughts raced frantically through Darius’s head, Tamara’s arms finally sunk down to her side, releasing her mouth from their fleshy cage. Her liberated lips, parting, now motioned to speak.
“Darius, never before have such sentiments been expressed to me this way. Your words of affection are kind and sincere. Indeed flattering beyond measure! I…” Interrupting herself, her head sunk slightly as if the gale of a painful memory had suddenly swept through the landscape of her mind.
“It’s okay Tamara, please go on.” Darius added in encouragement for her to continue. Extremely anxious to hear something of yea or nay. Gathering strength, she proceeded.
“I weep! I weep for the fatal blow that must crush your heart in pieces because, gracious Darius, I already have a boyfriend I love dearly!” She exclaimed with the greatest kindness and delicate sensitivity to the situation, looking upon he who undoubtedly must now be both humiliated and tormented by disappointment.
“I, I, I am so sorry for putting you in this position. Um, I will, I will uh take my leave now.” A stuttering and shocked Darius fumbled over his words before gathering enough composure to continue. “But I thank you for all your help over the last several weeks Tamara. Truly, thank you. I wish you nothing but the best. Goodluck to you and the extremely lucky gentleman!” An utterly flustered and dejected Darius folded the poem he had spent hours writing and tucked it in his pocket. Crestfallen yet completely aware of the insurmountable hurdle, he fought back tears of conflicting emotions that welled up in his eyes as he just shook her hand, bade her a sincere farewell and turned to leave. The pain he endured was boundless, the struggle fierce. As he walked away, the gate of unbridled passions that opened seem to close, the raging fire dwindled and the surging power dissipated. Reality set in, all dreams were shattered. Ground zero was the crash landing.
~Ikenna Q Ezealah
Foundation for Ascent 