Have you noticed…
Whenever our neighbor exhibits the same fault we have, it always appears uglier and more disturbing to us. Why? Two reasons: 1) We always rationalize and justify our behavior, or at least soften its severity through the high regard we hold ourselves; 2) We are more cruel and less merciful in our assessment and judgment of others.
The consequence? When we experience the actions of others, we strip it of all rationalization, justification and mercy–detached from excuses and contexts–so the original action strikes us more potently, like a drug. Thus, we regard their actions (expressing the same faults we have) with greater contempt, we see it as uglier, and feel more disturbed by it. Ergo, our typically harsh and merciless assessment of others actually comes home to roost.
The worse part about this is when, despite our greater agitation and disturbance, we refuse to lower the lofty esteem we regard ourselves. In this case, no matter how irritated and hurt we become, we refuse to neither blame ourselves nor discover the source of our unrest within. Seeing the other person as more degenerate than we are, we never examine our own tumors with the surgical sharpness needed to incise it. So we never change, the tumor remains, and it (our faults) just grows bigger and bigger. We become blinder and more ignorant, and more generous with blame.
When we learn to be as unsparingly harsh with ourselves as we are with others, and offer the same mercy to others we munificently bestow on ourselves, how we react to the apparent failings of others will drastically change.
~Ikenna Q Ezealah