If you look around closely at society and individuals today, you will find that parent-child relationships are often more refreshing than the marriages themselves. Why? For one simple reason rooted in Natural Law: Growth.
You see, the parent derives joy from their children partly because the child is constantly evolving and growing. It is the discovery of ever newer worlds within the young that keeps the relationship fresh. Every day there is something new. Every week there is a new dimension added to their personality. Every month there is change, motion, vibrancy. It NEVER remains the same. In addition, the parent looks at the child and, besides the present, thinks of the future and its endless possibilities. So their joy derives from the perpetual evolution of constant change.
However, with many marriages there is hardly constant evolution and growth within the individuals. They become content, stagnate and just ossify. In the blinding scurry of the mundane bustle, each partner becomes inert, and thus does not see anything new within the other. Instead of joy through change, it becomes a game of finding contentment through sameness. Every day is the same. Every week there is hardly deviation. Every month can be predicted. The personalities hardly see internal growth and evolution, so it becomes boring and still. In this boredom and sameness, arguments easily burgeons and annoyances mushroom. Thoughts of the future and endless possibilities? Based on the sameness of the present, the future will only yield a commensurate tedium. Forsooth, in some of the more dramatic cases it becomes more like “how many years remain in this sentence?” Seriously though…you can now see how, as one of the many permutations of this rigidity, people can be tempted to “look outside” for stimulation. In someone outside the marriage, the individuals might see room for “exploration”, “adventure”, “newness”, “pursuit”, “evolution” “possibilities”. All the qualities of change and growth that is missing in their own heart, which they thereby see reflected in their marriage.
Hence if we do not change, if we do not commit ourselves to perpetual evolution, if our joy is not derived from the energy of growth, if the bliss is not a consequence of the perennial blossoming of our personality…happiness will be a fata morgana. Marriage is not about “settling” and “getting comfortable”. It should be the beginning of the greatest unfolding that brings the vibrant energy of perpetual newness and freshness. Those qualities that express the change of growth that is an inherent component of joy. Deep joy. Through this, relationships need not become stale, but remains fresh through everlasting inner evolution.
Nature is always the guide we humans need to follow.
~Ikenna Q Ezealah