It is not the cruel words from a vengeful spirit that hurts the most to a lamenting one. No. What often hurts more incisively is the regret, the shame, the compunction you feel in your heart in view of the immeasurable love demonstrated and now showered upon you by the one whom you harmed in some way. Nothing can match this. In your sunken state, the experiencing of the tremendous dissonance between your depravity and the lofty perch of another is one of the deepest anguish a human can experience. The regret and sorrow for rectification inflicts an ouroboros of anguish in the heart that is unmatched by any vitriolic words of condemnation.
We often think malice and strife hurts most. No. It is the incredible pain of recognizing the depth of your unworthiness before the light of another. This experience is what unstitches even the hardest of casings, intenerates even the most rigid of souls broken through the crucible of severe experiences. Only when a man personally experiences this happening can he ever understand the true nature of abiding Mercy and Grace inherent in Goodness and Light. Only then can he grasp the greater power of Love that conquers all.
Gravity is the force that magnetically pulls two objects together. Guilt is the same way. Guilt is an internal energy that holds in place a definite pressure on an individual. The “holding” pressure is the homogeneity of the volition of a person and the unpleasant energy that is magnetically fastened and as a consequence of the volition. Guilt felt within a heart is the recognition of the dissonance between the volition of some action that arose from us and the lightness of our conscious. The tension of this experiencing awakens regret. But for this regret to be possible, a situation often has to manifest that reveals this gulf. When we externally face a distasteful event and find traces of our inner volition we identify as wrong, we are broken open in this recognition of the unhappiness it leads to. This breaking helps us survey the immeasurable distance we have to travel, and helps us gain conviction of what was wrong in our choices. With identifying what was wrong, we can also see what is right.
When we are broken open, we often stagnate in our grief and humiliation. The regret paralyzes us and even divests us of energy to continue. However, when another shines light, when another illuminates our soul in brokenness and shows mercy…here the process changes! The gravity of their love magnetically pulls us upward. It galvanizes and invigorates us with the energy to courageously continue toward rectification. It becomes healing medicine.
The sentiment described here, the boundless pain of regret in view of another’s magnanimity is the burning away of the internal dross. The heat of compunction is a consequence of the awakening love in one’s heart that is searing away all baseness. Do you follow? The tremendous pain is a conflagration, a fire that is burning away impurities in the heat of regret. The gradual decomposition of the baseness under the fire of awakening love is the boundless pain we experience. A metamorphosis, a transformation like a phoenix in the process of rising from its own ashes! The fire that is intensified by the conflagration of our neighbors love and mercy. Regret is not brooding. Not a dull and endless pondering. No, it is the beginning of a genuine and earnest desire to change and make right.
A laurel wreath to all those whose benevolence ventures to extend such mercy to their fellowmen when their downtrodden souls have been broken open through the inviolable hammer of reciprocity. Only such altruistic ones can be called meek, whose munificent ways inherit them the Eternal Kingdom.
~Ikenna Q Ezealah