It happens. You find yourself in a situation suddenly reacting in ways that express little cognitive control. You respond intensely and engage dramatically through behavioral impulses that both disappoint and surprise you. Baffled, you perceive the dissonance between your reactions and the lofty mental assessments you hitherto made of your maturity. What lies behind this?
The secret desires we nurse in our souls often appear lilliputian and weak, even invisible and nonexistent. However, when an opportunity arises in which those microscopic desires we hardly knew existed can be achieved, we suddenly experience how they externally rage in seemingly uncontrollable fashion. Birthing behaviors into existence that exceed the comfortable ambit of our self-reflections. Their inflexible flaring perplexes us, because we never knew that, given an opportunity, we would react this way!
Such happenings are teaching moments, for it reveals the extensive roots still lingering in the soul of various tendencies and inclinations that only appear effaced. Our behavior in such moments are fruits of deep desires we crave fulfillment that was hitherto dormant within. The opportunity granted the desire a chance to bloom and sprout outwardly in behavior, thus giving us a chance to see ourselves in full clarity away from delusions. This is a great help! Why? We often feel that, on account of the absence of a challenge, we have conquered something or we would or would not react in this and that way. But all these assumptions are based on our mental understanding of the depth of our own desires and frailties, which is often weak at best. Ironically, the estimation of our strength is often grander than what reality supports. You see the mismatch that breeds perpetual disappointment? So when we react in ways unimaginable even to ourselves, life is just initiating us into the true nature and intensity of all that lies within. In other words, “where we stand”. So we can understand, learn, internalize the lessons, change and grow!
We love nursing visions of grandeur of where we stand inwardly, based only on the thought-beliefs we adopt. But all these are just mental exercises divorced from reality. Our reaction to events in the moment is a microscope into our true inclinations, secret desires and hidden concepts. But once we recognize it, we should avoid drowning in the quagmire of despair and swamp of brooding. Calmly accept the situation, regain composure, and with all the fervor and earnestness of the volition for God, take the necessary steps toward permanent change. Making amends and rectifications wherever necessary. He who experiences this enough will be initiated into a deeper realization of himself in the Divine Truth “Thou beholdest the mote that is in thy brother’s eye and considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye!”. Through this, he slowly sheds the thick layers of presumption and misguided notions of maturity he secretly employs to contrast him from his fellowman, in order to bask in a false light of how much farther ahead and better he is! Such hard experiences of self-revelation help liberate him from this irresponsible arrogance. For in each moment he subsequently experiences the reality…”In me I see you; in you I see me”. The great mirror of life perpetually reflecting upon itself. In this, he thereby builds a solid foundation for ascent toward the Light.
~Ikenna Q Ezealah