The infamous “love triangles” of today

In the course of my experiences, encompassing myself and others, I have developed certain conceptual realizations of trends behind our lifestyle choices that is often propagated as normal. In this case, it involves the famous concept of “the love triangle”. But whenever you hear the word “love triangle” by those who are ostensibly in a romantic tug of war between multiple parties, the one certainty you can have is the absence of any true love. I mean real, objective, selfless, considerate love that does not think of self. Not the slothful, self-indulgent, sentimental phantasmagoria of secular love. Why? If I really care for the welfare of another person, I would never will anything that might harm or complicate their lives, or put them in a situation where this might even arise. If I am sincere about my desire to further my neighbor, I will consider them in all I do.

How could this manifest here? For one, the indecisiveness of the middle party who dithers between both corners is really just selfish vanity masquerading as love. It is a narcissistic indulgence in the spotlight of being endeared and coveted, even at the expense of the potential heartbreak and emotional injury of their neighbors being “led on”. In reality, they only relish the attention and the idea being “loved” more than they actually care and respect their neighbor. Their neighbor is just a tool to minister to their inexhaustible cravings for the egoic feeling of self-importance. Even if the person is unsure, if they really love their fellowman selflessly, they would at least sever the cord out of respect for their neighbor to pursue their own paths unhindered and uninhibited by the romantic fata morgana; and thus not waste any time. The person would wish to save their fellowman from the island of uncertainty and waiting, which must end with some measure of disappointment and heartbreak. So even if they must deny and distance themselves from both parties, they would not “lead anyone along”, solely to preserve their options. That is, if true selfless love is involved.

In their considerate thinking, they would wish for the two in a romantic probation to be released in order to find someone who can unremittingly devote themselves to them as the only option. In their actions, they would let them go and not remain tethered by any strings of covert desires. Why? Because the welfare and happiness of their neighbor means more to them than the weak dithering of their own frail ego, even if it means a denying of selfish needs. At the very least, they would be absolutely clear from the start, so that any situation of ambiguity between multiple parties can never arise. True love is clear as crystal, direct, logical and consistent. Munificent in the spaciousness of its transparent grandiosity. Where there is ambiguity of choosing, enticing multiple parties, theatrical caprices, dramatical whims, and the insatiable quaffing of the wine of aggrandizement, true love is absent.

But the reverse is also true. The parties who knowingly engage in this triangle are equally selfish. Why? Although we categorize their advances as “fighting for their heart”, what it really amounts to most times is just an attempt to influence and obfuscate the thinking and decision making of another party to the degree that they capitulate to their wishes. The battle of attrition disguised as the pursuit of love. The spider web of tenacity fastidiously weaved about the beclouded one in order to catch and entangle them once they weaken enough through the onslaught of “sweet nothings”. The whole “I cannot live without you” aberration. If they really love their fellowmen, they would only wish their neighbor to make a decision born out of their own free conviction. Unencumbered, uninfluenced and unaffected by the duress of deviant desires that hypnotizes into the fantasy of a craving for self-importance. So all parties in this “love triangle”, through the reciprocal action of their consanguineous egoic proclivities, receive just those thorn bushes of ambiguity as fruits that they secretly plant and water as seeds; but which they employ guile to deceive themselves as being seedlings of aromatic roses of wonders!

The emperor’s robe is hereby seized, confiscated and stripped by the iron-hand of intransigence, so the deformity of the anatomy lurking hideously beneath it can be relentlessly examined by the dispassionate light of clarity. Ambiguity is thus disambiguated. The thunderclaps of honesty dispelling the hypnotic fever of conceptual illusions so the romantically entranced can awaken to the harrowing reality of our true intentions. There is no such thing as a love triangle if we employ the actual concept of love in its highest sense. We can only speak of a dense bog of selfish desires that swallows all concerned into the grumbling belly of gruesome sentimentality, to be forthwith liquidated by the stomach acid of vainglory. Ghastly fate! Forsooth, there can never be any tug of war and middle ground where high-minded personalities are concerned. It is either-or. No self-respecting person will ever be content to engage with another who had to be convinced and persuaded from another. Their dignity will simply never allow them to sink to such depths. What we cannot recognize on our own and are unwilling to decide upon with a free and clear volition, without endless campaigns of persuasions involving other parties, we are simply not mature for and cannot enter with a full heart totally convinced. Compunction will always be there in some vestige. So only an equally confused person will engage in this scenario, but never an earnest personage of clear conduct. Pardie!

Another outgrowth of this swamp is the affinity of the associated parties for drama and confusion. The elephant in the room must be sent back to the jungle, not painted the color of our wallpaper to blend in. We must call out delusion and deception when we see it, not mask it with high-sounding words. In other words, the romance and emotions is just a facade, for it is only in an atmosphere of chaos and in a maze of confusion that such bewitched personalities supposedly in a “love triangle” can often thrive. The disarray is an inebriant that intoxicates the low self-esteems and insecurities of fragile parties into a dreamland of personal greatness and eminence. It is a playground for frail egos and unstable minds where anyone can champion leading roles in a campaign for self-importance and coquetry. Ergo, for this reason, the simplest solutions is usually evaded because the goal is often to prolong this paramnesia as long as possible, and thus extend the high, even though it might outwardly manifest as an ostensive desire for a clarified solution.

Love will manifest itself as the decisiveness of the most impeccable moral standard of living that directs itself impartially and selflessly towards all things to ensure its furtherance. It can never be an obstacle or a stumbling block, neither a smog nor obscurantist. But what we humans do is distort the meaning of words in order to accommodate our internal decline. Cunningly injecting the word “love” in this self-engineered mess to hypnotize ourselves of our genuineness. Perceiving how far we are from a standard and concept, we opt to just lower it to our depth instead of elevating ourselves to meet it at its height. Solely to save ourselves the exertion of changing and thereby being honest about where we stand. Awareness of this does not necessarily infer mastery of application. For awareness and application are two different exertions and steps. But as a first step, we need to at least be honest. Honesty in this sense is “although I am lost to the goal, I at least have a clear understanding of my coordinates.” Even if we are so far short of an ideal, what is most important is honesty about our intentions as a first step, no matter how ugly the truth might be to admit to ourselves. Without honesty, we can never reach the goal. Why? If you input directions into a GPS with a wrong starting-point, you will never find your way.

So the remedy to this seemingly complicated issue is always the selfless love of consideration for others. The love that even discounts and removes oneself from the center of attention and focus, and instead directs attention toward the happiness of the other. Even if this involves a denial of personal wishes there will be no loss, because the heart of true love wishes only to further another regardless of what is required. Yes, even the setting aside of the bandage of our own selfish wishes and narrow interests. Hence when too much confusion reigns, we should just remove ourselves from the center and ask with all the sincerity of spirit “According to the Will of God, what actions are necessary for me to become an effective instrument of your eternal happiness?” No matter how difficult the answer is, and whether or not involves us, true love will always courageously take the necessary steps. All confusion is thereby eliminated, for everything becomes clear as crystal.

~Ikenna Q Ezealah

About Ikenna Q Ezealah

Ikenna Q Ezealah is a writer, author and essayist whose themes embrace human-spiritual development.
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